Embarking on my journey as a young woman in Lahore filled with hope and promise, I leaned on the support of my cousin, a resident of the city for a few years. Enrolling in a university and settling into the hostel marked the initiation of my solo living experience. However, the path of living alone proved to be laden with challenges.
The hostel environment, initially my residence, presented its own set of challenges. The cramped living conditions, with six girls, squeezed into a single room and minimal cupboard space, made it feel like a form of confinement. Eager to explore independent living options, I delved into the rental market, assuming that my education, stable job, and financial stability would ease the process. To my surprise, this was far from reality.
Encountering landlords who posed intrusive questions like “Are you married?” and “Do you have any male friends?” instead of inquiring about financial stability was disheartening. These queries were not only irrelevant but also invasive. Landlords imposed baffling rules, such as restricting the presence of friends (of any gender) after sunset, prohibiting outings after dark, and mandating an early return home despite paying for an independent living space. These restrictions, observed exclusively for women, contrasted sharply with the freedom enjoyed by my male acquaintances who partied in their flats without interference.
In my journey, I was unprepared for the intrusive behavior of landlords, guards, watchmen, caretakers, and neighbors. Their unhealthy interest in my whereabouts made me feel uncomfortable and violated. Instances like an elderly neighbor mistaking characters on my laptop for actual guests or the constant curiosity of landlords and neighbors about my movements exemplified this intrusive behavior.
Upon moving to Islamabad after marriage, I noticed a stark difference in the ease of finding accommodation. Our current residence, where we have lived for years, lacks the scrutiny of landlords and neighbors. Reflecting on this, I began to ponder whether these experiences were unique to single women in Pakistan. Conversations with other women confirmed that single women indeed face distinct treatment.
To delve deeper into this issue, I decided to collect stories from women living alone across various cities in Pakistan and compile them to shed light on their unique challenges.
One prevalent challenge faced by single women is the search for a respectful and considerate landlord who acknowledges their privacy and adulthood. Laiba, a journalist based in Lahore, shared her continuous ordeal of navigating the rental market. Initially facing difficulty convincing landlords to rent to single women, Laiba encountered absurd stipulations, such as “No mahram is allowed, even if it’s your husband.” Some landlords went to extremes, stating, “Even your father cannot cross the gate of this house.”
Nimra, living alone in Peshawar, echoed similar sentiments about landlords viewing single women with suspicion despite stable backgrounds and incomes. Some landlords perpetuated a perception of ‘shady individuals,’ even if aware of the tenants’ daily routines.
Real estate agents further shed light on landlords’ apprehensions, specifying instructions to avoid bringing in single women, and reinforcing societal stereotypes about their affordability and potential involvement in ‘haram’ means.
The challenges extend beyond finding suitable accommodation; societal judgments and expectations also play a significant role. Single women are scrutinized by neighbors, constantly monitored, and subjected to unnecessary concerns about their activities. Laiba questioned the need for this surveillance, emphasizing the importance of respecting privacy in a society that values family.
Despite these challenges, the stories also highlight the positive aspects of living alone. Zehra, a writer in Karachi, described the experience as a newfound sense of liberation, offering an opportunity to discover life beyond the confines of her home. The ability to set one’s schedule, invite friends over, and socialize freely were cherished freedoms.
For many women, living independently becomes a journey of self-discovery and skill development. Zehra emphasized the acquisition of essential life skills, from managing household chores to handling finances. Atiya from Karachi acknowledged the positive impact on her mental health, attributing it to the sense of freedom and autonomy.
While acknowledging the difficulties, some women had positive living-alone experiences. Rumana, a resident of Islamabad in her 60s, living in her own inherited house, feels no different from her married friends. Sarah highlighted the importance of living independently at least once in life, considering it a valuable learning experience.